August 20, 2012
Push
Last week was an off week. I don't know if it was me or if it was him or if it was the both of us together, but the whole week seemed off. Which is why I spent some time with Math to give him his space and I suppose give myself a chance to clear my head. I was very emotional last week! I had a great time with Math. We watched True Blood and played video games and had girl talk, but at the end of the night I just wanted to go home to my boyfriend. It only took one night to miss him, which I find a little silly. That was Wednesday and the rest of the week was fine until Saturday night.
Saturday was nice. It was a lazy day at home. He spent time fiddling around with some speakers upstairs while I read. Then that night, after everyone was over and drinking, he was so mean to me. He brushed me off, pulled away, and said a couple ugly things that left him sleeping on the couch and me sleeping in the bedroom. I asked him what his problem suddenly was after such a good day and he said he would talk to me the next morning after he sobered up.
Well, he never talked to me. I probed a few times, and he always said he wasn't sober yet. Instead, he came into the room and snuggled against me. Then we went to the store and he came home and cooked me dinner (we got up super late). He watched The Hunger Games with me, then I watched Behind Enemy Lines with him. The whole day he was really sweet and though it's no excuse, I think he felt on the guilty side for the night before.
It makes me wonder though. Which TJ is telling the truth. Sweet TJ when he's not drinking, or mean TJ after he's had a few beers and a few shots.
As good as yesterday was (and I have hopes for the rest of the week) Saturday night he really made me feel like he hated me. He never said that. He was just being difficult, but that's how he left me feeling.
Bobby swears up and down that TJ loves me. I wish I knew what kind of conversation they had for him to feel so strongly on that subject, because I know he does not love me. If he does, it's buried deep down and never coming out. But Bobby swears that he knows it to be the truth. I wish he would give me more evidence than just his confidence.
But this is a new week, a new stone. It's going to be a good week. Especially if I get one more check tomorrow!
scullerymaid at 11:36 a.m.