November 11, 2010
In time
Yesterday my Psychology major friend told me that I have commitment issues. I wonder if this is true. It's not something I've ever thought about before. I wonder how she came to this conclusion. We didn't really discuss the matter. She just said it as a statement of fact and we continued the conversation we were having. But now, a day later, I can't help but ask myself if what she said was fact or not?
How can one tell? I've never been in a committed relationship before- not besides Popeguy anyway and I don't think that really counts. It's true that it can be sometimes hard to get to know me because I'm quiet and can be shy, but I don't think that makes me less committed. I feel like a committed person. Sure, maybe I did leave my friends for a spell, but that was more for survival reasons that a want to get away from them. I'm dependable, reliable, loyal, and caring. But do I have commitment issues?
Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend. It's true when I boy shows too much interest I turn tail. Look at Venezuela, though I think we have to many differences to have a loving relationship. Or look at Jereny. Or even Brian. I encourage their texting, I joke and tease them. I espeically tease them. And when their interest turns more serious, I fade away into the woodwork. I tell myself it's because I'm not all that interested in any of them, not enough to be their girlfriend. But perhaps it's more than that. Maybe I don't want to commit to anyone. Maybe I fear losing my freedom and being able to do what I please how I please and when I please. As much as I want a boyfriend and to have that special someone in my life, just maybe I'm not willing to open myself to another person like that. Maybe I am scared of commitment.
I really don't know and surly don't have the answers right now. Perhaps that will change soon. Or not. Time, my friends, time.
scullerymaid at 1:46 p.m.