February 19, 2013
If only
They say you're supposed to find the love of your life in college. Well, that didn't happen. Hell, I didn't stumble upon (what might have been) love until after graduation and that turned out to be a heart wrenching roller coaster that has led me to be all alone on this Tuesday night pining for some company. Strange, isn't? All I ever want is to be alone and now that I have it I wish I had a roommate. Not really. I love having my own place. It's amazing. And I have no one to answer to except the cat, which I ended up naming Pacha instead of Loki.
I don't really feel all that lonely truth be told. I have friends that invite me out and I have a pretty good time. I'm happy with my life and am satisfied with how things have turned out so far.
But I miss sleeping with someone. I don't mean sex. Sex is easy. I don't understand why people think it's so hard to get laid. If you want it, it's out there. No, I mean real honest to God sleeping next to one another in bed. I miss knowing that someone is at home waiting for me. I miss having bathroom moments and smiles and little touches.
I really miss my boyfriend. I know we weren't right for each other and I'm glad we aren't together. All he ever did was provoke me! But I miss him. This is my third week here and I've had a blast. I've gone out, I've socialized, I've seen other people. I've been better than fine without him.
Then I have nights like tonight where I'm home alone cooking myself dinner, watching tv, and feeling disconnected from the world and my thoughts become too dark and I just want my boyfriend back. But all of us here know that he's been gone for a long time so there's no reason for any tears. Maybe he went through the motions but he checked out long before I left and that not something anyone should miss.
So I miss sleeping and cuddling and watching movies. I just want to find someone that will watch movies with me and isn't all about sex. I never thought I'd see the day where I was tired of sex! I want the whole package. The only thing is, I hate dating. I hate going through all that hullabaloo just for it not to work out anyway. So what's a girl to do?
They say you're supposed to meet your love in college. Well...
scullerymaid at 11:19 p.m.