November 09, 2011
Xxxxxxx
Sunday is bread bash. This is where we switch over to seasonal products. Apparently, the theme for this winter bread bash is going to be some hawaiian shindig. And we trainers are going to be shaking our hips...What?! I did not sign up for hula. I wonder who came up with that bright idea, and more importantly if it's really going to happen or not. I'm a little nervous!
But whatever. We're all friends, right? What harm can a little wiggling around in front of 30 of my co-workers do anyway?
I just got off the phone with my little brother. We had like a 10 minute conversation. It was nice. We may not do very well together sometimes, but I wouldn't ask for another brother. I worry for him so much now. I might have been homeless before, but at least I was legally an adult and off away at college. My brother isn't even 17 yet and he roams the streets. Well, he roams people's couches. I hope he's never had to stay outside. Maybe I'll buy him a coat for his birthday. I invited him to move into my apartment once, but he won't leave Chester. But today he asked me if I could get him a job at Panera. There's no way I'll do that, but if he's finally desperate enough to move in with me, I'll find him a job somewhere. If my parents can't support him, I'll do what I can. Speaking of which, he says he and mom have been fighting all week and he's been blacking out. My brother has the combined temper of both sides of the family and when he gets angry...he has no control. He blacks right out and doesn't know what he's doing. I'm so glad I didn't inherit that! Anyway, I always worry for my brother. To top things off, last week he says he thinks he died and came back. I know it sounds crazy, but I kind of believe him. My brother and I are supersticious people and he wouldn't joke around about something like that. Even if he didn't actually die, something serious happened and it's freaking me out a little. I'm not much for obe. So I think I'll look for a little job for him, clean out my apartment, and see if he'll move in. I might regret it, but I don't plan on staying long anyway and then he and dad can manage together without me. Maybe this is a good idea. I spend so much time at TJ's anyway...
...which is where I found myself last night. We had a plan. We were going to work out, be active, and then cook dinner. Well, my whole mood shifted after he dug around in a bag to pull out some gloves. He had cleaned out his old closet at his parents house and had a couple bags of old junk, inlcuding pics of him and his ex. I don't know why it bothered me so, but I spent the rest of the night thinking about those pictures, of how little pictures the two of us share together, of how we aren't even an official couple, and I kept asking myself what I was doing here. What am I doing here? Have his feelings for me really changed? I don't know, and last night I wasn't ready for the answer so I crept away into my little shell, did our workout, cooked dinner, and remained utterly silent. It was a terrible way to be, I know, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. When he asked, I shrugged it off, but he kept asking. Unfortunately for him, I could probably stay quiet for days and quiet is what I remained. But today was better. When he came home for lunch, I told him that those pics were bothering me and he said he didn't know what to do with them. I told him not to thow them out, that they were part of his history, but that I shouldn't see them. So hopefully he'll hide them away somewhere. I felt incredibly shallow, but when I saw them my first thought was that I'm prettier than she is. I think it was just my jealous side peeping out and I locked her back up quick. This is the girl that kicked his car door and left a big dent in it. I'm sure he deserved it and I have a little respect for her because of it. But still, I have no desire to know anything about her and I resent that I now have a name and a face to put to what before was some abstract idea I didn't much think about.
TJ has been talking about getting a cat and tonight we're going to go look at one. I don't know if he's ready for that kind of committment, but I can't deny that I'm not a little excited. I miss Greta!
scullerymaid at 4:20 p.m.