September 08, 2010
Moved out!
Well, it's done. Almost done, anyway. I just have to get my bed and desk out, clean up that joke of a closet I used in the hallway. I've resigned myself to the life of a loner, friendless, unsociable, distant. I don't know wha exactly happened, Diary. I even realize that most of it is, well, my fault. I'm not sure how i manged to find so many faults against me, but as I sat in that living room and listened to all the problems i was causing, something clicked. I agreed with everything I was accused of. I did like to leave my sliding door unlocked. I did take up half the driveway so I wasn't blocked in early in the morning. I did bring in the cats, which resulted in a flea infestation (however untouched by this infestation my room remained). I was snippy. I was distant. I didn't feel like hanging out. I was hard to communicate with. I listened to all these things and couldn't find a good arguement against them. So I said my peace. At this point, it wasn't certain if I'd be moving out or not, though it was likely. But at least we had put everything on the table, had worked things out, and were still friends. Then Math's boyfriend ruined my peaceful leaving when he started texting me the next morning random shit that wasn't even his concern. Apparently out issues weren't resolved and I wasn't about to sit there and put up with that. So I packed up my truck as much as I could and left.
I drove to my mom's place only to discover that she's having heart problems and my brother is having drug problems. Oh, and my dad was evicted by my ex-bitch-of-a-roommate. What a weekend I've had. I missed a couple of days of school and that makes me nervous, but we're going to make due. We're going to make due.
Except I've been thinking. Maybe I am meant to be a loner. I seem to be getting better and better at ruining friendships. Popeguy and I did all that fighting then Bonadio and I had our little tiff. Now I've managed to kill three friends in one blow. Why not? We'll be separating in a year, right? Why not just separate now?
I do feel like all this is my fault and that I really am to blame. But I can't bring myself to care. There's bigger things I need to worry about like passing this semester, getting into gradschool, and making sure my family is ok. I'll do what I have to to survive and follow my dream. What's four years of friendship anyway?
Ugh, I just want to be in my new apartment. And then I want to be left alone so I can focus on school.
Oh, but did I mention that I lost my keys a couple weeks ago and now have been locked out of my house by my ex-roommates who know that I don't have a key? Great, just great! I wish I knew where my keys went. I swear I've backtracked a million times
scullerymaid at 2:13 p.m.