January 13, 2010
Never let go
Big sigh...
I feel so much better. I just had a nice littler chat with Popeguy and now I'm back on my happy cloud. See, for the past couple days he has been a little grumpy. People were just irking him and I think he's getting anxious about Argentina. So he hasn't really been in the most receptive mood I suppose you could say. Well, naturally, his bad mood puts me in a bad mood and then we have communication issues. And of course, when we talk about it he dominates the conversation and I shut down. We both put up these walls and just go nowhere.
Whenever this happens I have to swalloe my pride. I boil and churn until finally I go find him and we talk again. And I have it figured out. He doesn't know what to do with me. I think the fact that I'm not going anywhere scares the shit out of him. You know, his whole life everyone has left. I am the longest standing relationship he has ever had. I'm going to stand by his side for the rest of our lives and I think the fact that I have that devotion and commitment to him scares him because he doesn't understand why I'm not going to leave him. Why I stay. Because I do have reason to leave. He enver apologizes first. He doesn't make the effort. I keep up alive. And I've felt betrayed and hurt by him on numerous occassions. And yet, here I am. I won't ever leave. He could cut off my thumb and I'd still stay. Because he's my best friend. I love him and refuse to live without him nearby. I don't know how or why I form this attachment with him, but it's here and it's strong. And it scares even me. But it scares him more. And I'm okay with this. We're together and we always work through our problems.
I'm not going to leave no matter how much he tests and pushes me. I will always come back. And I think deep down he knows this.
scullerymaid at 12:46 a.m.