February 28, 2006
Dad's birthday
Today's Mardi Gras! I'm thinking about having pancakes for dinner.
Tonight I start babysitting. Bleh. I don't really want to. The idea of staying at a semi-stranger's house is just not comforting. I'll miss my bed. But if I want to, I can come back home at 3:30 am. I hope it doesn't affect school, which I'm sure it won't. I just don't want to do it. But she'll pay me $50, which is good because I'm running low on cash.
Speaking of cash, I opened up a checking account over the weekend. I really don't know what I'm doing though. Everyone's just tlaking, assuming I know, but I don't.
Last night Squirt told me that he's joining band next year. He wants to play the trumpet. I don't know why, but this makes me happy.
I went shopping and bought two skirts and three shirts. Popeguy said I looked really nice today, and so did one of his friends. I still can't believe how comfortable I am around him. I think it's because I know nothing can ever happen between us. He's gay, though the thought is still shocking for me, and I just don't have to worry about... competeing for his attention? I don't know. He is so great though. I'm not completely myself in front of him yet, but I will be.
I don't like to open up to people. Why? I don't know. I don't seem to know a lot of things lately. Whan have I ever been hurt? I haven't really. But I hide behind this goofy shell of a girl. Maybe that's who I am, but being goofy makes me feel ditsy. Which is partly why I don't talk.
It seems that an entry that began with Mardi Gras has turned into a serious soul-searching one. I just don't know who I am. Who am I? I guess it's one of those teenage things.
Oh, and I was talking to my friend today about Popeguy because she's in love with him, and she started going off on how being gay is genetics and people don't choose to be gay. As plausible as that is, and not to put that proven theory down, God gave us free will. Would he really make it so that we don't choose to be gay, but we are born gay? Maybe it's just the way I was raised, but I don't think so. As the saying goes, science can only go so far. Then comes God.
Mom was out last night really late. I don't remember where she went, but I was asleep before she got home. She draws suspiscion on herself. Why does she not realize this.
Dad wants a toaster for his birthday. He took me to look at apartments yesterday. One was very nice. The other was fine.
There's a lot on my mind. One entry isn't long enough.
"I'm going to add Lady and the Tramp to my Disney collection"
scullerymaid at 6:13 p.m.