September 22, 2015
Birch
I feel a little bad about my behavior on Friday night. Brian and I had planned to go to this bar that specializes in craft/import beers. They were having a sour promotion going on. I really like sour beer so we thought it would be fun to go. Great!
Well, what I didn't know is that we would not be making a date night out of this, but hanging out with his ex-girlfriend and her (and his I suppose) friends. He thought he had told me, but I'm fairly certain that's a detail I wouldn't forget.
Anyway, I was walking around town waiting for him to get off work so we could go, when I snapped a photo and posted it on IG. Just so happens that she and I follow each other of IG and she had just posted a selfie. A selfie with some beer. A selfie with some beer at the very bar Brian and I were planning on going to go to. Coincidence? I think not. So immediately texted Brian to see if we were rendezvousing with her, and sure enough that was the plan. Talk about blood turning to ice.
I guess it's safe to say I was surprised. I had a certain expectation of the evening that had just been shattered. To make things worse, Brian didn't tell me we would be hanging out with his ex; I found out through social media! Needless to say, I was growing rather upset. So I left town, drove to his house to wait. I thought, perhaps if I got ready, you know, put on some makeup, get dressed up, I'd get over it. I could calm down before he got home. Well, that didn't go quite as well. The more I got ready, the more frustrated I became. I didn't want to be upset. Not over something like that. I've met this girl before. I like her. I know I have nothing to worry about between them, and yet I couldn't shake the feelings I was feeling.
Then Brian came home and he was all happy and excited to go. And I was in the worst mood. I was quiet. I gave him one liner answers. I couldn't make myself look him in the eye. It was horrible. Naturally, he picked up on my mood right away and asked if I was alright. I didn't want to talk about it. As I mentioned, I didn't want to be upset and the whole thing made me feel a little petty. I still hoped I would feel better on the drive to the bar and perk up. So why talk about it then? I didn't want to ruin his night. I wanted to be sociable.
Nope. I wasn't happy. The feelings just kept growing. I didn't socialize, but chose to text Romania to validate my frustration.
When we got home later I did finally agree to talk about it. He had thought he'd told me we were going to meet her. I explained that he can't surprise me with visits to see his ex. It's a weird situation. I already have a teensy bit of resentment over the closeness of their relationship. I don't mean to, but I do. So yeah, that's what happened.
And now I feel guilty about it. I didn't mean to have such a strong reaction to it. I really had hoped to shake it off. And I like her. Why should it be a big deal to begin with. But it is and I don't like it one bit. Plus, I think I'm feeling guilty over the fact that this was the first time I was legitimately upset with Brian. And then, I couldn't even talk to him about it because I resented the fact the he didn't tell me the plan, and I resented the fact that I was so upset about it. Double whammy!
We've made up. But it's still weighing heavy on my mind. It seems pointless to bring it up again. But part of me wants to address it some more. It worries me that I couldn't just come out and say it when he first got home. In hindsight, we could've made up in the car then had an enjoyable evening instead of me getting quiet and all that jazz.
But the makeup was pretty great. Despite my hesitation in telling him my true feelings, I still really like the growth and development of our relationship. I think I still hold a piece of myself from him, but I'm waiting to make sure he's on the same page as I am.
Love. Am I right?
scullerymaid at 4:34 p.m.