June 12, 2015

Not your mother's root beer

Poor Brian. This must just be an emotional week for me because I had another cry fest on him last night. I'm not sure how it started. We were watching Orange is the New Black, and I just started telling him stories I guess. Stories about being a drug baby. About my mom going to jail. About my brother going to jail. About being homeless. It made me realize how I have so many stories about my hard life that I share with him...and he never shares. Because he doesn't have stories. You know, he's lived a nice life and his family is privileged so why would he have anything to tell. And for some reason that made me feel undeserving. And I told him this. I told him how poor I was and that money was constantly a struggle. I told him how sometimes I don't eat because paying my loans are more important. I told him that I'm terrified of ending up like my parents- never having my finances in order and having nothing good to show for my life. Then I tried to convince him that he shouldn't date me. That I was too poor to have a boyfriend and too prideful to let him pay for things. I had withdrawn my last $20 from the bank and tried to shove it onto him for the movies on Sunday and whatever else might happen this weekend. Yeah, that's right. I told that beautiful man that he shouldn't date me because he and his family were so nice, and I have lived such a hard life and still struggle to survive.

And what did he do? He looked at me like a crazy person and said that none of those things were reason enough for him not to date me. That he didn't mind paying for things and really appreciated it for the times that I've done the same. He said we didn't have to go out; he was perfectly content staying home as long as he was spending time with me. And he teared up because I was crying. I love that he can empathize so well with me. It's such a pleasure to date someone that feels things. And then he kissed me and made me a root beer float.

He's a keeper. He really is so tender to me. I can't say it enough. And he must not be tired of me because he keeps inviting me over. We weren't supposed to hangout last night, but they releases Orange is the New Black early and he decided we had to watch it. I've stayed with him everyday for a week except for Tuesday. That's crazy! I love it.

scullerymaid at 10:05 a.m.

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