June 01, 2015

Treat yo' self

It happened again. Kinda sorta. There was penis involved, a very nice penis I might add. But I'm not sure that I feel like we've actually had sex yet. I still feel like the little moments of coitus we have had are still mostly part of the foreplay. And there's plenty of that. Have I mentioned how nice the foreplay is. There's all this kissing/making-out and all this touching and exploring and it's all quite nice. Let's not forget that I've been pretty restricted to what I was and was not allowed to do in the bedroom for the last fourish years. So all this is very new again and exciting. And I get a little nervous. I don't know why. Guess because that's not what my sex life has been like in awhile and I feel like I've forgotten how to do things. But that's okay. Practice makes perfect. Even though there has been penetration, I don't think Brian is ready to have sex yet. Which is fine, I just wish I understood his reasons better. We've done everything. So I just wish I knew what the problem was. The other day he told me that he enjoys everything we do together, but I still feel like I'm raping him in a way...

But I think things are going very well. I'm getting to know one of his friends, Monica. Saturday night the two of is met up with one of her friends and went out dancing. That was nice. It's been a long time. Then Sunday Brian and I did absolutely nothing. I don't think we got out of bed until after 1, which makes sense since we didn't get to bed until after 6. It was nice just cuddling in bed all morning. I really do enjoy spending time with him. I keep getting nervous about spending too much time together since that was always TJ's big problem, but then I remind myself that Brian actually wants to see me so it's all good.

God he's beautiful. I honestly can't stop staring at him sometimes. He's everything I could've asked for. I pray this lasts for a very long time. And then even longer.

Oh! And he sent me a groupon today to go get a mani-pedi. Isn't he so sweet!

scullerymaid at 11:49 p.m.

pots | pans