May 21, 2015
Chasity
I'm feeling a little weird today. This seems to happen a lot recently. Mixed up thoughts I suppose. Sunday, Brian and I went to the local Beer Fest here. It was loads of fun. Beer is growing on me. Whoever would've thought there were so many choices out there! Anyway, I was quite nervous about the whole thing. He wanted me to go so that I could meet...his ex-girlfriend. Yes, that's right. His ex. The only girl he's ever been with (myself still excluded in that ring), the girl that broke his heart, the girl with whom he is extremely close with. I mean, they watch Mad Men on Mondays and go drinking on Fridays. She was actually quite nice and I'm pretty positive I like her. But it would be a lie if I said their relationship didn't bother me. Before I met her, the thought of her raised hairs on the back of my neck. Now that I've met her, the hairs are still standing. So I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't bother me. There's no reason for it to. I guess it's reasonable enough to think there are a lot of people in the world that remain friends with their ex-whatevers. Right? Do you think? TJ and I are friends. Kinda. But not really. The minute he found out I was in a relationship, he high-tailed it. That's the "normal" thing to do...isn't it?
I don't know. It's not a big deal really. Those are issues I'm working through because of TJ and his ridiculous stint with his ex while we were dating. It has nothing to do with Brian. But I get annoyed. Too much exposure I think. She started following me on Instagram, so the proper thing to do was follow her back. And now I can watch as he goes through and likes all of her goddamn pictures. You know, just as he goes through and likes all my goddamn pictures. This is why I was very thankful that TJ wasn't involved in social media at all. I couldn't pry. I couldn't see things that bothered me. Now, this whole world is open for me to explore, and I can't help but to look. Now there's nothing special about his liking my photos.
I'm just a little green jealous monster, aren't I? Listen to me! I sound so pathetic. Does he cuddle her? Does he kiss her on their first date? Does he make her sausage and french toast? Does he spend hours on the phone with her? No, no, no, and no. So what's wrong with me?
It's the vagina, isn't it? What I would do for a little sex. I won't rush him. It is what it is and it'll happen when it happens, but I'm beginning to feel a little rejected here, and my poor body needs a good unwind. My whole being is beginning to feel raw because I live in a constant state of arousal with no sense of release. And then when we're together it's great because-hello-all-we-do-is-makeout. But there's no follow through after all the kissing is said and down. I'm left in a puddle of raging desire with soaked panties. It's so cruel. But I won't rush him.
So between having to think about his ex all the time and basically wearing a chastity belt, I've been getting inside my head and feeling rather frustrated.
But other than that everything is great and I'm convinced he's my dream man and if he asked me right here and now to have his babies, I'd say yes. So there's that. Sunday he's invited me to the movies before we pick up one of his friends from the airport, then Monday I'm taking him to meet Dad and the family. It's going to be great. But I don't think he's told anyone in his family about me. I don't know. I don't want to pry. I'm very content with things, though. I'm quite happy.
scullerymaid at 2:59 p.m.