April 18, 2015

Brian with a beard.

Two bits of good news.

One, I'm not pregnant...hopefully. I took another test yesterday because I realized if I had been pregnant, the first test I took was during week 3 of that possible pregnancy. This would be week 5, so I figured it was safe to try again. And it was negative again. What a blessing. So I guess my body is just being weird. At this rate, it can wait until May to come. It's not inconvenience me one bit as long as there are no babies growing in there.

Two, I'm going on a date Monday night. Yes, I've finally decided there's no reason to dwell on a broken relationship, and hopefully I can forge a new one. And it would be awfully nice if the first one works out and I don't have to go on a million different dates with a million different guys. I feel like I'm getting too old in that lifestyle. Or at least, I'm no longer interested in that kind of lifestyle.

His name is Brian. He claims to be rather nerdy and very shy, and that sounds like just the thing I need. We've been corresponding for about a week now I guess, and he's been an absolute gentleman. He hasn't initiated any dirty talk or asked for nude pictures. Nor has he sent any nude pictures. In all sincerity, we're been writing long letters back and forth. Yesterday I jokingly told him I felt like we were something out of a Jane Austen novel. Then he finally asked me out.

I'm quite nervous. Dating in general sends me into a bit of a frenzy, but I'm worried about the breakup being so fresh. If he's a good guy, I don't want to screw it up with my slightly battered confidence. Also, the fact that he's shy is both refreshing because I can be quiet so that means he probably understands that, but if we're both reserved when we first meet, how is the evening going to go. You know? Except for TJ, I've always managed to go out with more outgoing guys. I really don't know how I managed that, but I did.

I don't know. In my letter I sound so witty and cool. I'm scared when he takes me out, I'm going to be too stuck inside my quiet shell to form a coherent sentence. I keep trying to remind myself that I am sweet and charming, and that everything will be fine. He's been so great so far I hope he isn't one of the ones that just disappears after a date.

But these are all negative thoughts aren't they, which isn't going to help. It's going to be a grand time. I'm not a rookie anymore. I'm a lovely young woman with very many endearing qualities. And though I don't feel very accomplished, he's a waiter and doesn't know what kind of career he wants so we can be unaccomplished together. Seriously, we have so much in common, being shy shouldn't be a hindrance.

So fingers crossed. Obviously, I'll let you know how it goes. It'll be great. Plus, he's adorable. I love it. And he's tall. That will be a nice upgrade. I hope he doesn't shave...

Phew. Here's to new beginnings and letting go of bad habits. I've always said all the people around here are toxic, so why would I want to waste a moment longing dwelling on it.

scullerymaid at 5:23 p.m.

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