January 16, 2015

Insurance

Before now, I was responsible for paying all the utilities on my household. This was partly due to the fact that I have the largest room and partly due to the fact my dumb-ass roommate made it sound like she couldn't afford more than $400 total...even though she went out and got herself a $350 tattoo a couple months ago. Paying all the utilities was absolutely crippling to my wallet, but at least I had a roof over my head. Like now. I have no money and hardly eat, but at least I have a warm place to return to every night.

With the start of this new lease and getting an additional roommate, we've agreed to split the utilities. But I'm not saving any money. My rent has gone up because our third roommate couldn't afford to pay his full share. It's only $50 buck, but it's $50 bucks that could have gone toward some of my debt. Also, they both pay their rent late. Which means I'm forking out $1200 up front and have to pray that when my gas light comes on I can make it back and forth to work for one more week without stalling out on some side road somewhere. It's ridiculous, but I guess it's better than being homeless.

Now that I've turned 26, I also have to start paying for my own insurance which is becoming a nightmare. I can pick a low deductible plan, which will cost me $160 a month- no more eating for me- or I can choose a high deductible plan that will only cost me $40 a month, but I have to pay everything out of pocket until I hit that deductible. Without insurance, my prescriptions run $700 a month. I could meet that deductible pretty quickly, but where am I going to come up with an extra $700 a month when I can barely feed myself now.

So, either way I'm screwed. I already have medical bills piling up. My credit bills are starting to fall behind. My car failed inspection so I need to get new tires and still pay both my property taxes and registration (I've been driving around illegally since October because I just don't have the money).

It's a terrible thing to be poor. I have a decent job, which would bring in okay money if I wasn't already so behind on everything. Seriously, when I sit down and budget every month, the numbers show that I should stay above the water. And yet, I'm always meeting the line instead of floating above it. It's not that I even spend my money on frivolous things. It all goes toward living and bills.

And fuck finding a second job. I've applied everywhere, to all these places hiring and none of them want me. It's terrifying.

So what happens when you are required to get health insurance or be fined, but you can't afford it? What happens when you have a chronic disease so need health insurance, but you can't afford it?

I'll tell you what happens. You starve. Which also happens to lower your blood sugar because you're in fact losing weight since you can't afford to buy really groceries. So in the end, I guess it's a win-win.

How did things get like this! Most days it doesn't seem so bad. But here I am staring at these papers and I don't know what to do.

scullerymaid at 1:08 p.m.

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