October 27, 2014

Go Captains!

Today was another Whiskey-missing day, but it was my own fault. I follow the care center on facebook and they popped up in my feed today. So I clicked on the link, then followed that link to the link for dogs, and there she was smiling at me. It's a really good photo. I have the same one sitting in my desk at home. Sometimes I wish I could take her back, but I know this is best for the both of us. I think of her often, more often than I thought I would. I hope she gets adopted soon. If her photo is still up, I'm guessing she's still there. I really love her smile.

Despite these moments of woe, I had a pretty good weekend. It was homecoming at CNU so all of us girls decided to have a roommate reunion and met up in Newport News Saturday for lunch. I think we were all a little nervous about seeing each other. Snortgiggles has never really gotten along with Artist and then Math and I had our falling out last year. But it was nice. I think it helped that the kiddies were there. They provide a good distraction to ease any old tensions. After lunch, we all walked around campus for a little while. Man, has it changed. Lots of expansion, lots of renovation. There's a bell tower now. What do they need a bell tower for, haha! The twins didn't stay for the game, which I was grateful for. I love them to death, but Snortgiggles, SB, and I have a connection the two of them never managed to make. I think it's because we have similar backgrounds and values, but it was always nice when it was just the three of us. We make a fine trio.

I was elated to meet little Henry, Math's new baby. He's only three months old and is the most handsome little man- which is good because for a while there he looked like an alien. I was surprised by how much he took after Math. Her husband is British and Dominican, and quite dark. But Henry has the milky skin of his mother with periwinkle eyes and hair with a touch of ginger. I doubt he'll keep the red hair, and it looks like his eyes are just turning hazel. Oh but he's a cutie!

And let me tell you about Snortgiggles' little Cooper! He is as solid as a rock. I was chasing him down the walk and reached down to scoop him up and thought I was going to get a hernia. It took him a good long while to warm up to me, but by the end of the night we were playing dinosaurs and I was chasing him around the great lawn.

All these babies make me want a baby. I thought I'd have one by now, but I never thought I'd allow myself to waste years on a relationship that may or may not ever really take. TJ and I would have cute babies, but I'd rather not think about it. SB and Elbon are trying to get pregnant, but it seems there are some complications. She had some labs done last week to see if she is ovulating. I wish them the best of luck. I know how much it means to her to have children.

Being around the girls really made me miss the old times. I miss them so much, but I'm still torn between staying here with TJ and moving back home to be with them. I don't like telling them about TJ because they don't understand our relationship. I don't blame them. It's a complicated thing that I can't seem to let go. I have no regrets, but it I had known four years ago his thoughts on love, I would have saved myself the heartache. But I loved him, and still do so here we are.

You know, he cried when I gave up Whiskey. It's only the second time I've ever seen him express emotion. He didn't cry over her. He didn't have any great attachment to her, though he was closer to her than Sarah ever even tried to be. No, he cried because my own loss was so profound and harshly felt. Even the lady that took Whiskey away teared up at my outbursts.

Every time I think there is no hope for TJ, he surprises me. We had a very good weekend together, too.

But I still miss SB and Snortgiggles. And I still feel Whiskey's loss like a great weight in my heart...which makes me resent Sarah a bit because of little comments she makes. I think if I had been on my own, I would've made more of an effort to get her properly socialized and train. But Sarah is just a negative negative Nancy and it was spilling in. I really can't wait to live on my own again.

scullerymaid at 2:46 p.m.

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