August 10, 2014
Unhappy
Recently, I've been feeling a little guilty. I keep picking fights with TJ. I don't mean to, yet it keeps happening. It's just he made such a big effort to get me back into his life, but he doesn't do anything to keep me. We still live in his world and everything is about what makes him happy and there is no sense of compromise. Sure, he does things for me. He takes me out to dinner and helps fix my car. But emotionally, he makes no effort to connect with me. He makes me feel that hanging out is a burden. I know i shouldn't expect to see him all the time, but if I hang out with him too many times a week, I'm considered greedy because he can't see his other friends. What do you do with something like that?
I'll tell you what. You leave it. But I still can't bring myself to do it. So I guess I'll make him do it. How many fights can he withstand before cutting me loose? It's a sad thought, and a little pathetic perhaps, but I've become so unhappy. I just want to be with him all the time, but all he does is upset me. So it can't be right.
On a different note, I'm applying for some teaching positions. So hopefully I'll get out of my current hell hole of a job. Teaching has never been my first choice, but maybe it won't be so bad.
I just need change. Change in job. Change in love. Change in home. I need to escape all these things that make me so unhappy.
scullerymaid at 12:49 p.m.