June 21, 2014

New affections

Thursday I went on my date with TJ. For the most part it was natural. Kind of hard not to be after 3+ years, and yet things were different. For one, he picked me up like it was a real date and even wore something nice for the occasion. Then throughout the night he kept flirting with me. Do you know how strange it is to watch someone you've known for so long flirt with you? Especially someone as emotionally withdrawn as TJ. Part of me thought it was cute, art of me thought it was funny, most of me didn't know how to respond. But overall, it was a good date. He took me to Cinema Cafe to see How to Train Your Dragon 2. I had seen it the week before, but didn't tell him because I couldn't believe it was going to suffer through a movie for me. TJ doesn't do movies without extreme measures of manipulation and blackmail. It's a really good movie anyway, so I didn't mind. He bought our tickets. Then he bought are drinks at the bar while we waited for the doors to open. Then he bought are dinner.

I hate to admit it, but it's really nice to be wined and dined. I like to think of myself as an independent woman that can buy her own shit, but I find it very attractive when a guy has his shit enough together to afford a date. My date on Wednesday was not like that. We double-dutched everything, which I was okay with, but then he bragged how he managed not to have to pay any rent for June. Then why couldn't you afford not to buy me dinner when you asked me out? Maybe it's an out of date viewpoint, but if I'm asked out I expect to be taken out. If I had asked him out, I would have been prepared to pay. I'm getting off subject. My point was it was nice not to have to compare prices and worry if it would work into my budget or not.

I'm not too focused on Zach anyway. I enjoy talking to him, but other than that I'm not all that interested. I'm sure I could warm up to him. I'm just not sure if I really want to. I agreed to go out with him for the sake of going out. He's not really what I'm looking for and I don't want to jump into another long-term relationship that's not going to go anywhere. Plus he was telling me about all these girls he has dated around town, which didn't really impress me. We'll see though. At least he is keeping TJ on his toes.

it's still weird talking to TJ again. I was so convinced that when I left it was for good. That he didn't have a thought for me. Now he keeps telling me what a relief it is to be able to talk to me again. How good it feels to see me. How much he missed me. I still don't know how to deal with these revelations. I keep thinking it's some cruel joke and any moment he's going to deliver the punch line. But instead, he hugs me. He kisses me. He tried to cuddle me.

I'm trying very hard to keep my guard up, but last night he asked me out again and I'm finding it more difficult. We ate and played poked and he let me drag him around Target. I can't believe it. He has to snap at any point now. Tj is not an affectionate person...

scullerymaid at 12:19 p.m.

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