June 10, 2014
Wishes and wishes do no good
It's been three weeks and my new found freedom as a single lady is wearing off. That missing feeling has finally caught up with me and I find myself from time to time locked in sadness. Not very often mind you, but enough to make me really feel it. I have no desire to see TJ or even attempt to rekindle anything between us, but I do miss him. I don't miss the bullshit or the drama, but I miss him. I miss talking. I miss the comfort of being together and knowing each other. I miss his stupid little jokes and the times when he was tender. I miss his friendship, his companionship, his guidance. I miss the way we would tease each other.
I hate that I miss him now. I hate that I'm not supposed to miss him. I hate that he put me through so much shit and humiliation. I hate that all I could ever do is forgive him. I hate that he probably doesn't miss me at all.
I was doing so well. Really I was. Sure, I thought of him from time to time, but I wasn't sad. I'm glad it's over. But then Friday night I had this dream about him, a lovely dream, and I've been in a rut ever since.
I wish he would leave my thoughts. I wish he would leave my heart. I wish he was gone from me.
scullerymaid at 12:00 a.m.