December 26, 2013
Economy
Sometimes I wonder if I enjoy the pain in my chest, if the agony I feel is self-inflicted. I can leave at any moment I choose. No demands that I stay, no one forces me. It's of my own volition and as such, do I not will this lovesickness upon myself. I pour out my love day and day and day again and I'm constantly met with coldness. There is no warmth here, so what is it that I cling to? Minuscule moments of what if?
For the longest time I could bear his sometimes chilly demeanor because he still served a function in my life. He was friend, handy man, lover. Now, my perspective has shifted. I can feel my love shifting, and it hurts me to know I've thrown in the towel. The economy is broken. Outside of a superficial context, I'm no longer getting the intimacy I need. I have to let go, I just don't know how to untangle myself from this life we've been sharing.
scullerymaid at 6:26 p.m.