September 07, 2013
Cool as September
Today I was sad. I couldn't tell you why. One minute I was walking through Barns and Noble happy as a clam, the next I was in the parking lot feeling small as a flea, defeated and lonesome. There's just always so much turmoil cluttering my life, my soul is more restless and weary than it has ever been and it makes me anxious all the time. All the time I'm anxious and it makes me tired. I'm tired of moving. I'm tired of disappointment. I'm tired of the constant change. I'm tired of holding on. I just want things to settle down for a bit. One year of peace, oh what I would do for just one year of peace and happiness. That would be swell.
I can't stay here. I need to leave this place. I feel like all the relationships in my life are poison, but as long as I'm physically here I know I won't let go. TJ is a prime example. Math is a another smaller example. Today I swallowed my pride again and made up with her. We talked about everything, but I personally don't think she really understands why I felt the way I did. Oh well. For the time being things are back to normal and she'll be moving to England soon enough. So yeah, I need to leave this area and make my way to Richmond until I figure that whole grad school thing out. I've been thinking about it for two years now so I guess I really do want to go one day.
At least there I wouldn't have to deal with all these negative people that keep putting me into negative situations. I wonder if there's a place to paddleboard in Richmond?
I don't know. Maybe today was just a cloudy day and tomorrow will be sunny again. I should get a dog. No boyfriend, no new friends, I should just get a dog and be done with it. Then she could go paddleboarding and kayaking with me and maybe even inspire me to go running again.
scullerymaid at 12:05 a.m.