April 04, 2013
Babe
I seem to be addicted to making bad decisions. As strange as it seems, now that I'm finally back on birth control I'm paranoid of being pregnant. But I take it like it's my religion and it never failed me in the past so I need to just calm down. Besides, I've double checked my research and according to all my references I should not be ovulating anymore for the time being. I forgot it only took 7 days! And it was 19 days and my whole first pack of BC before I decided to be a little less careful than usual. But that's the reason I'm on the pill anyway; so mistakes aren't mistakes.
Though it's more like old habits. I've been sleeping with TJ. Actually we never stopped sleeping together if you want to be honest about it. I'm not exactly sure what our relationship is right now. We aren't together but I see him three times a week and its not unusual for one or two of those outings to turn frisky, which is really more my doing than his I'll admit. But this past week more than fooling around had taken place. We've actually been SLEEPING together. Four times this week we've managed to have impromptu sleepovers. I know nothing serious is going to happen between us and I'm not even sure I want it to. I'm just saying that for someone that was so over us, he sure makes a lotn of effort to see me. Hey, if I'm getting the sausage for free... I hate how people always assume it's the milk that is free and we women give men all the sexual power. But I've always been more sexual than him thank you very much.
But really it's not the sex that keeps us together. As much as I hate to admit it, TJ is the closest person to me right now. He even trumps Math the way she doesn't include me (then complains she doesn't see me! ). More than anything I'd like to say "okay time to let him go and move on. You can do better anyway." But my heart seems to refuse to catch up with my head and saying goodbye would mean losing my best friend.
Maybe it sounds pathetic but it is what it is right now. I know one day the sex will cease and we'll either become better friend for it or we'll break because of it. Either way, we've managed this long without babies. Hopefully we'll manage it some more.
scullerymaid at 8:29 a.m.