January 06, 2013
Munchkin
Maybe it's me. Maybe it's been me this whole time. Maybe I'm the one that creates the anger. Maybe I'm the one that builds the tension. Maybe I'm the problem, or at least creating more problems. All week I've felt so frustrated. And for what? What is it that I'm allowing to get to me? Why is it so hard to let things go when I've already accepted it.
It's so funny the way things work out. In the beginning of all this (or I suppose the middle of it since trouble has been brewing for so long) I didn't want anything more than to stay. I wanted to be here with him because I thought he was worth the ache. Now I only have a month left and that deadline can't arrive soon enough. I can't handle the tension I've put up around myself. or maybe it's the tension that's he's thrown at me. Really, why deserves the blame? I just want to leave so I can start fresh. I'm tired of waiting to leave. I've been waiting to leave for months and I think I'm just finally cracking under that pressure. I just want to snip my ties and move on with my life.
But I think I will become good friends Torey, his little brother. Today we went over to watch the game (my poor Redskins!) and to play Munchkin. Have you guys ever played? Oh my goodness, I love it. It gets my nerd side off lol (which is good since my sex life has suddenly become non-existent). It's this card game that Torey and his friends play and I'll admit the first time I saw them I was all judgmental and brushed it off. But once I played a couple times and got the hang of it...I want to play all the time. I have a feeling once I move I'll be visiting Torey's apartment quite frequently. It helps that he'll only be four lights down the street.
Tonight I also found out that Janesa, one of Math's friends, only lives two buildings away from me at my new apartment complex. I really like Janesa and she's been a great help answering all my questions about the apartment. We've never been close, but I'm sure now that I'm so close, the two of us will bond really well, especially under Math's influence. I see a lot of girl's nights in my near future.
But in the meantime I feel like a really flakey friend. Math has asked me to hang out twice since she got back from England, and thought I saw her on New Years I haven't made much of an effort to drive out to her. I know it's a little lame, but I figure once I move I'll see her all the time. Plus, right now I'm in this savings mode for the new place and if I spend too much time with her I'll be inclined to spend money. I can't really do that with this rent (I keep want to say mortgage lol) that I'll have to pay now. Oh, and I have to set up electric. And buy renter's insurance. And get this shit with my car straight. and buy food for the new apartment. And host a passion party. And pay my credit card. And I'm sure there's plenty of more ands to add but I won't bore you with the lot of it. My point is I feel bad for not giving her more of my time, especially considering that she's more important to me than TJ, but I also figure right now I really need to save money and will see her plenty enough after a month's time. Only, I'm missing all the England stories!
Snip snip snip I hope this months moves along quickly!
scullerymaid at 9:38 p.m.