December 28, 2012
Alaskan crab
Well, Sunday is my birthday. It doesn't feel like it should be my birthday already, but I guess it is. Mayhaps I'm just not in much of a celebrating mood. I don't feel like my birthday is going to be all that extravagant this year. But at least I get to go out to dinner and a couple close friends will be in attendance. That will be a real treat I suppose. I haven't seen Snortgiggles or SB since SB's wedding. Plus, we'll be dining on crag legs. Sounds good to me. I just hope someone makes me a cake. I always makes sure people have cakes, and it just leaves me wondering if I don't make the cake, who will? I highly doubt TJ will. And I find it unlikely that one of my friends is going to schlep one to the restaurant. People really underestimate the magic of a birthday cake.
I'm also feeling a little gloomy about my birthday because TJ isn't getting me anything. Earlier in the month he said he was, but I guess either he forgot that conversatione or maybe he decided to count my roku as a Christmas and birthday present. I guess I shouldn't complain. It's just, I put so much effort into his birthday. I know we aren't together anymore technically speaking, but we were on outs during his special day and I still managed to make a big deal of it.
It's not every year you get to turn 24.
But...I adopted myself a kitten last night. He's a nine week old tabby boy as playful as can be. He's a little tubby compared to his sister, too. I think he'll be a good one. Maybe not as affectionate as Gene was, but it'll be nice to have a companion when I move. In fact, I'm quickly marking off my list of things for moving:
Couch; check
Bed; check
Dining table; check
Kitten; check
Plates; check
All I need now are some pots and pans, some silverware, and perhaps a coffee table. Or an end table. I'm not too picky on that front yet.
I'm pretty sure my heart is in check to. This whole time I've still had feelings for TJ. Despite everything, I wanted to be with him. I didn't want to leave. I loved him. But now, I feel rather indifferent. Now 100% mind you, but it won't be long before I reach that point now. I'm sure by the time I move toward the end of January, I won't have a single care about the whole thing...which of course means that my sex life isn't quite as exciting as it was a few weeks ago. Man, I felt like I was going on and on and on about how great sex had become. But now that my feelings are dwindling, my pleasure receptors are decreasing as well. I've said it before and I'll reiterate it now; though sex hasn't always been the best with TJ, out of all the guys I've been with he is the only one that has ever managed to get me off. But the last couple times I just wasn't feeling it. I mean, I wanted to have sex and even initiated it a couple times, but I'm beginning to think my ability to reach the big o might be significantly correlated to my attachment and feelings for the person I'm doing the nasty with. Let's think about it. I've always enjoyed sex with my partners, but there was never really a release moment. Then I started dating TJ and it was the same story...until we got serious and I had no desire to go sleep with other people. And the more my feelings grew for him, the better I found sex to be. Of course, all this could just be in my head but the way Helen Fisher (my anthro icon) sees it, it's not such an uncommon thing what I'm experiencing.
Oh, how I could curse the world. Does that mean for the next month I'm not going to enjoy sex quite the way I was only a couple weeks ago?
I'm sure sex isn't one of the things I should really be focusing on right now, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I had certain needs to be satisfied a few times a week.
Hmph! I hope I at least enjoy my birthday sex...
But enough about my love life, I want to get back on the subject of presents really quick. Not so long ago TJ said he was going to get me Wen for the holidays. You know, that all amazing hair product endorsed by Alyssa Milano on TV. I admit that I was sucked into the craze and wanted nothing more than to secure myself a bottle of such an amazing product. Well, TJ noticed and was all set to get me some until he read the reviews. Apparently it makes your hair fall out. I'm very attached to my hair. I'd rather not take my chances.
Anyway, I've started packing a little. I put some of my movies away and some of my books. I cleaned out all my junk from the attic and have it nicely organized and ready to be loaded. I need to pick up some more boxes that's for sure, but I'm not in too big of a rush to pack up, not until at least the 20th probably. It's not like I had a shit-ton of stuff anyway. As sad as I was, I really can't wait to move. I can't wait to strike out on my own, pay my own bills, and make my own way in this world. I can't wait to decorate and make my apartment all cozy and comfy and completely me. For the first time, I'll be calling all the shots and that just thrills me.I have so many cute ideas!
I also can't wait to meet new people. I've been wined and I've been dined and I've been fucked, but I've never been romanced. Is that too much to ask? I don't care if it's nothing serious- nothing more than a little fling. I just want some romance in my life. I want flowers. I want surprise take out knocking on my door. I want special gifts and thoughtful outings. I just want to feel something I didn't develop over time. If the world is so concerned with fireworks, then dammit I want to feel some fucking fireworks.
I'm hoping after this is all over that I won't fall for a guy just because he invites me over every weekend. I fell for TJ because Zach never made any gestures like that. But this time, I'm going to be just slightly more guarded, a tad more picky in choosing my mate. I want to be touched by someone who isn't afraid of a little bit of passion!
Well, wasn't this entry all over the place...
scullerymaid at 3:48 p.m.