November 24, 2012
New bestie?
Last night was a very interesting night. Torey and I bonded! I don't remember how our conversation started, though I'm pretty sure it had something to do with Sarah. She called me last night to chat for a bit and then she called Torey, who was at my house for a bonfire. Well, he didn't know they were exchanging Christmas gifts this year and she got pretty upset about the whole ordeal. After he hung up, Torey looked at me and cracked a joke about how I got him into trouble. I threw back that he's the one that got me into trouble.
So there we were sitting on the edge of the fire just out of earshot of everyone else when he turned to me and said the situation he and Sarah are in is going to end very shortly. They've been dating off and on for five years and are currently in a friends with benefits deal. She lives in Maryland now but comes around once a month or so to see him.
I don't know how she does it. She loves him. And I mean willing-to-stick-around-this-long loves him. But he doesn't share the same sentiment. He loved her once, and cares for her. He loves the friendship they have, but doesn't want the romantic relationship she craves.
Sitting there in front of the fire everything was just so familiar. And I talked to Torey about it. He knows everything about my relationship with TJ. Sarah keeps him updated. So I told him how I could relate to Sarah. How I love someone that clearly has no intention of living me. The only difference is I've accepted this. Though it hurts and I wish it were the other way around, I know the best thing for me to do it to leave. No, I don't want to leave. I wanted to stay here forever. But I understand that the only thing left to do here is to pack my things and walk out the door as soon as I can afford it. The only thing to do is to cut TJ out of my life.
Torey agreed. He told me that his brother was an ass and he didn't understand how he could have done some of the things he had done. And he agreed that he needed to do the same thing with Sarah: cut things off completely otherwise they'll just keep dancing the same circle for another five years. He wishes they could remain best friends like they are, but as long as she loves him the way she does...it's not going to work.
It's hard. When you're with someone for so long you get comfortable and it's weird to think about being with someone else. Exploring someone new. Letting them in. But both Torey and I know that the only thing to do is move on. At least he isn't losing any friends. All of TJ's friends have become my friends now that most of my own friends have moved away.
But Torey was so sweet! He told me that after I leave TJ he wants to remain friends with me. He really likes me and things I'm cool, especially in comparison to other girls that TJ has dated. I appreciated everything he said to me. He even thinks I should move into his apartment complex so that we can hang out more often. We have a lot in common. We're both introverts and have a bit of nerdiness about us, though his nerd card is more obvious than mine haha. So now I'm thinking about it. My only issue is his apartment complex doesn't have a dishwasher or a fitness center and parking is a bitch. But at least I would have a friend, right? We'll see.
Either way, I really enjoyed our conversation. Though we've hung out together often, we've never really talked one on one like that before. Oh! He even noticed that I straightened my hair and said it looked nice. Maybe I'll turn Torey into my new best guy friend while Popeguy is away. I mean, TJ is basically my best friend now. I'm going to feel so lonely when I leave not just because our romantic days are done but because I'll be losing a friend that knows me so well.
Anyway, we'll see what happens. I just really feel for Sarah. I know how much she was hurt last night because he didn't want to exchange Christmas presents. I don't even want to think what's going to happen when he ends things with her. Part of me wants to tell her to just move on (and I hinted at it last night), but it's not my place .
scullerymaid at 11:05 a.m.