November 09, 2012
Packers
I wish I could leave tomorrow. This whole time I've been trying to hold out. Just make it til New Years. Make it til January But I would move out this very second if I could. The good times aren't worth the bad and as long as I'm here I won't let go. Sure, one day I'm fine with everything. No big deal. Then the next day I care about every minute detail even though I know it doesn't matter. So yes, as much as I was looking forward to the holidays together, I would disappear from his life sooner rather than later. But I can't afford it. Soon though, soon I'll put this behind me and move on until it's all a distant memory I can laugh at.
But I'm still not sure how to do it. I like the idea of disappearing. For some reason it gives me a sense of satisfaction. I suppose it's really just a sense of finality. But now we have the same work schedule. It's not like I can pack up all my things while he's at work anymore. And we hang out with the same crowds on the weekend. I'm not sure how to accomplish my plan yet, but I'll figure it out someone. I could slowly start moving my stuff out and send it over to Math's storage unit. Then get all the big stuff in one swoop, though that's kind unnecessary. I have big furniture, but not a lot of stuff. I could be packed up in an hour. Who is going to move all that big furniture for me. I seriously need to come up with a game plan. I wonder if I could hire someone? Makes me wish my brother was around.
I really need to send him a letter.
scullerymaid at 7:50 p.m.