August 24, 2012
Always the same old
Isn't happiness supposed to be a state of mind? I wonder what exactly it is that makes TJ so unhappy. I'm serious about that question, too. What makes a person unhappy? My unhappiness stems from the fact that TJ has been distancing himself from me all month. One moment he is peachy and the next as cold as a stone. Is it a personality trait that makes someone unhappy? Because I was pretty thrilled to be here back before he started acting so weird. This is the first place that felt like home in such a long time and part of it was because he was here. Maybe it's a personality trait. I mean, if he's so afraid of commitment, why should he be happy in any relationship, right?
Sometimes I think he chooses to be unhappy. He doesn't even try. He just distances himself and then tension grows until one of us snaps, which unfortunately always happens to be me. So much for being the logical one, huh?
It looks like I'm going to become friends with this ex girlfriend though. I think if she wasn't the ex I wouldn't mind so much. She doesn't seem all that bad. My anger isn't toward her anyway, it's all for TJ and the ridiculousness he drags me into. Keep your enemies closer, right?
If this is the game we're going to play I'm going to keep the ball in my court. If I'm in it, might as well win.
I do keep asking myself how I ended up in a mess like this. Why can't I just meet a normal guy who wants a normal relationship? I know normal is an unlikely term, but it would be nice to be with someone that doesn't show you everyday how much being in a relationship freaks them out, you know?
But it's not that easy to just pick up and go. Everyone tries to make it sound easy, but it's not. It's not just about my emotions either, though I'm not looking forward to moving away all by myself. It also has to do with the means. The means to pack up my stuff and afford an apartment.
People think it's just about your heart. No my friends. It's about more than that. Plus, all these people that tell me to just go...they got to leave with someone. They all took friends with them. Who is going to want to move to Montana with me? Hell, who moves to Montana?!
scullerymaid at 3:23 p.m.