August 22, 2012
Meetings
Well, I had an interesting evening last night. TJ came home from work, sat me down and told me his ex-girlfriend was in town and they were having dinner. Apparently she is having marital problems and wanted someone to talk to and supposedly he wanted my input. I don't know why he wanted my input; he was going to go no matter what I said and I told him as such, too. Then, of course and quite unbidden, I started crying and we had a nice long talk about the problems in our relationship. I told him how he makes me feel like I smother him when I try so hard to give him his privacy. I told him why it bothered me that he was talking to his ex all those times before. I told him lots of the things he does to hurt me and push me away.
Then, to prove he was serious, he invited me to tag along. Naturally, I didn't really have any desire to meet his ex, but it was either that or stay home all night wondering what was going on. So I went.
I'm ashamed to say my first thoughts seeing her was that I'm more attractive. Hey, I'm only human and was on the defense. I think it was the eyes. They seems rather dull, but that was probably just me being mean. Either way, knowing that I was prettier helped my nerves settle down. Silly pettiness! She brought her friend with her, whom I liked. She reminded me of Snortgiggles. Except two nights ago she friend requested me on facebook. I know what game they were playing. Facebook stalkers. Ha, before I even knew she was back in town. I still haven't decided how I feel about the ex yet, but at least the evening wasn't awkward. The four of us went out for drinks and then got some dinner and parted ways.
TJ was pretty tipsy and acted all lovey dovey the way he does. I hate him for it because it just makes me love him more. But we ended the night with some pretty good sex. I won't complain about that.
I still don't know how I feel about the whole experience in general. I felt a little weird reliving their stories with them, and sometimes I felt like TJ was a little too excited for my comfort. But I get excited when meeting up with old friends, so I can't be upset.
I just wish he would talk with me more, play with me more, create memories with me more. He always confuses me. I feel like he spends so much time pushing me away, but last night in our discussion he kept saying how much he enjoys my company and I talking with me. Half the time, I feel like he ignores me when I talk.
I don't know. I just wish "his feelings" didn't change so that I wouldn't feel so confused.
scullerymaid at 10:52 a.m.