July 09, 2012

I'm not innocent

There's a reason I keep a diary. It makes backtracking my life very simple.

A part of me feels as though I can't be angry at TJ for what he's done. I know I"m being a little cryptic here, but I'll still working everything out in my head. Eventually, I'll lay the whole story out.

But it's not like I've been completely innocent in this relationship. There have been drunken nights where I've responded to Zach's messages. Sure, we don't talk on the regular and we don't talk when we're sober, but I have slipped a couple times. It was n ice to feel wanted. Let's also not forget about September. Do you remember September? Remember Kyle, that navy boy? I did sleep with him. Sure, maybe we didn't have sex, but we made out and I stayed over. Granted, that was the week after that 6/8 day period TJ and I did talk (and it turns out he was committing some transgressions that week of silence). But the truth of the matter is, we weren't really together were we? We were casually dating if you can even call it that. I suppose I can be upset, but I have no right to be angry. He doesn't even know about Kyle and it was only by chance that I learned of his little rendezvous in September as well. So I need to just get over that.

But I'm pretty sure I have a right to be angry over this texting thing. I could understand if they were texting to catch up, but that doesn't take months to do and sure does not need to take place on a regular basis. I'm not saying it's fair or trying to even the playing field, but I only texted Zach when I was drunk. They text all the time. Who wouldn't be upset about that. Am I supposed to just sit back and smile? Hell no!

We just need to have a talk I think. Put everything on the table and move on. I don't mind moving on together. In fact, I'm pretty sure I want to. But I think it might help if everything is just laid out and put behind us...

But that doesn't stop me from thinking of his ex as a skeazy whore who need to mind her own fucking life. Isn't she supposed to be happily married in Hawaii or some shit!

scullerymaid at 3:03 p.m.

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