February 06, 2012
Down and dirty in the sack
I'm going to have my work cut out for me, diary. I've decided to teach TJ the art of love. I know that sounds kind of ridiculous and I don't really mean it in the full sense of the word, but I think he should open himself up to certain new experiences. Like sleeping naked for instance. Last night I discovered that he has never slept naked in his entire life. Not once. He says it's dirty and means you have to wash the sheets everyday. He went on about toxins and dirt and yada yada yada. I really don't care if he sleep naked or not. But I think he should at least try it once, you know? Enjoy being naked! Hell, sleep doesn't even have to be involved! I just think he should strip down for a couple hours. Nudity is natural, not dirty, especially if you're in the privacy of your own home. Is that such a bad thing? I believe not. And once he can stand to be naked for a spell, we can move onto some other things...like some biting! I don't know anything about his previous sexual relationships. Well, except for the fact that his ex girlfriend was as uptight about sex as he can sometimes be. I hardly know how I know this- it must have been one of those late night convos- but she wasn't one to touch herself or watch porn. It goes back to that being "dirty" thing I suppose. I bet she never walked around naked either. Not that I have anything against that. To each their own, right? But sex is more than just intercourse. This is not the 17th century. Ha, actually I have no idea which century I'm referring to...the one where the sole purpose of coupling was for procreation. You know, where coupled fucked with a sheet between them? I can't imagine that being remotely enjoyable in the least. It's ridiculous.
No, in my opinion sex is about exploration. It's about exploring each others bodies and caressing. It's about biting, licking, sucking, rubbing. It's about kissing and nipping and rolling, grinding, riding, and the occasional slapping. It may not always include love but it should always include pleasure, whether it's fast or slow. It's more than just that one moment of pleasure- there should be multiple moments of different kinds of pleasure. Put in short, I believe in foreplay...and afterplay hehe.
Anyway, those are just my feelings about sex. And I've been around the block enough to know that I'm not the only one that feels that way.
TJ, on the other hand, is a little more clean cut. Every once in awhile, I bring him to my darker side, for lack of a better word. It surely gets me to thinking, though. Sometimes I wonder if that ex of his is the only girl he's ever been with. From my experience being here with him and his friends, they aren't the type to have one night stands, which it totally respectable. I don't anyone to get the idea that I don't respect that kind of life style, because I once held very similar standards. But there is a lack of experience there. He and his friends have this outdated view of how things should be. Well, his friends do anyway. His brother Thomas lives a little more on my side of the water. It's really curious to sit back and watch them all, to see how everyone interacts with the girls that I sometimes bring around. I think Friday night Thomas finally got a glimpse of the party girl that I am. That I was anyway. Being with TJ has settled me down and I think both Friday night and the New Years Party gave him a little show of my old ways. I'm not sure if he thinks it's a good thing or a bad thing. Most like he doesn't care either way, but I think Thomas and I have decided to be party buddies. We played a mean game of beer pong the other day and I think Math and I gave him a good enough show to realize that I am indeed more than the quiet girl I come off as.
It's not that I miss my old ways. I'm quite content with this settled down type of life I'm moving into. I like being with just one guy all the time and not going off with another guy every weekend. I'm not complaining about what I have because I love what I have. I don't know how I landed with TJ and even though I know he's a little slow to warm up, I see his affections in little things that he does all the time. For Christ's sake, he asked me to move in and I think he's more scared of such a big step in a relationship than I am. There is just a tiny little but in my total contentment. I may not miss being a party girl, but that doesn't mean it's not part of who I am. I may have been sick as a dog on Saturday, but Friday night had my blood pumping in a way it hadn't in a long time. So rather than going out and getting wasted and waking up with strangers, I want to share that wild side with TJ. I want him to know what it means to have wild, dirty, hot sex. It's amazing. Not an every night type of thing, but amazing nonetheless. I don't think I'm asking too much. I'm not saying I want him to change his clean cut ways, haha. But I would like to spice things up every once in awhile...which involves more than just changing positions.
Maybe it has to do with that fact that his feelings aren't at the same level as mine. Maybe he is one of those people that need to have that "love" feeling to be passionate about sex. Perhaps that's just one of the ways that we differ. To me, sex is just sex. Maybe for him sex is giving a piece of yourself to someone. Not that that stopped him from slipping off my panties on our very first date! Do you know that I was his first one night stand? Well, clearly I didn't remain a one night stand, but I was the first. That makes me giggle a little bit. In a good way.
I love that man. I crave his touch like crazy and am happy just to snuggle on the couch and watch movies. But I want to show him what he's been missing. For the most part of our relationship, I've let him take the lead. He's more hesitant than I am about certain things so I've mellowed out a little to wait for him to warm up. But now I'm going to be here all the time. We're going to be together all the time. I'm ready to take some charge back...though I can tell it's going to be a process- a long term project! But you know what? It's going to be worth it. I've gotten him in the car and garage before and the other night he wanted to mess around in the kitchen. I think he's just waiting to be unleashed and I am surely the woman to do it!
He wants me to pick out a date day for us. He said we should both take off work and do something. I can't think of what he would like to do though. I would love to go to the aquarium, but that's more of a date for me than for him. I think I'll set up an appointment for him to get his aura read. He's convinced that his chakras are blocked. That would be fun, right? Yes! Good idea!
Did I mention I'm getting $6000 for my car? My mom told me I should go into the business of flipping trucks because whenever I wreck I make a profit.
Sorry for the long entry. I feel like most of it is just a big ramble about sex lol. Zack did tell me I was a little freaky the other night when he was drunk texting me, didn't he? That still pisses me off. All that time we spent together and he liked me the whole time and never said anything. He always said we should just be friends. I don't understand. And now suddenly he's ready for more than that?! A little too late, buddy. A little too late! How ridiculous. And now he keeps trying to flirt with me, telling me how beautiful I am and other such nonsense. I don't know whether to be flattered or incredulous.
scullerymaid at 12:59 p.m.