January 10, 2012
Cold feet
I suppose TJ and I are testing out this living together thing because I'm beginning to forget what my bed looks like. I can't remember the last time I stayed at my own apartment, or saw my dad, which he frequently reminds me. But you know, whenever I stay in Newport News he's off with his girlfriend in Williamsburg anyway so I don't see what the big deal is.
I've felt rather moody this week, though. Today before he left for work I apologized to TJ for being so grumpy. He brushed it off so I guess he doesn't seem to think that I've been in a bad mood, but I've felt like I've been in one. I think it's a case of cold feet. Being here everyday, staying with him every night has made this whole moving in together thing real. And I"m scared. I've never lived with a lover because, and our relationship is far far far from perfect/normal/whatever you want to call the status quo. What happens if one of us decides to call it quits? I'll be living in his house! I'll have nothing and we've only been dating for 8 or 9 months anyway. But those are just silly fears and doubts trying to cloud my head. I think we work well together. I think living together won't be a problem at all (except for my stupid snoring...and he hogs the bed and covers lol). Maybe I'm just sad to be leaving my friends. I don't see them very often as it is and I still technically live in Newport News. But I suppose that goes with growing up. I used to hold my friendships so close to my heart, but I can't deny that as we get older we pick different paths. The group has already broken up and this year some of us will be going off to grad school and work. But that's just a rant.
Sometimes I do get scared. Sometimes I doubt TJ's feelings. Sometimes i doubt my own. But love is something that takes work everyday. It's a commitment that each partner has to work to keep. The other day Popeguy was telling me how much he likes TJ, and part of that reason is because the two of them have so many similarities. He said he was watching TJ and I interact the other day and it reminded him of how the two of us interact. Go figure I'd pick a guy that reminds me of Popeguy. What can I say? I have a thing for harsh, cold-hearted men that push me and frustrate me and make me love them...and show me that they aren't always so cruel.
This is just the next chapter in my adventure. It'll be fine. Now I just have to find some income so I can contribute. At least I won't be forking out half my money for rent anymore. TJ will bring a lot of stability to my life.
scullerymaid at 12:49 p.m.