December 12, 2011
Weak goodbye
Last night I cried myself to sleep. Well, I cried for awhile anyway before I finally told myself to stop. It was silly, really, and if I weren't such a silly girl I wouldn't have ended up crying in the first place. You see, it was our Christmas party at work and TJ drove here to attend it with me. He was the only guest, but he took it in good cheer and it wasn't that bad of a party. There was food and games and presents. It wasn't as fancy as the party at his work, but we had a good time together. When it was time to go, I decided to walk him to his car because he was parked in the front of Panera and I was in the back. Well, once we reached his car for reasons beyond me I was attacked by a wave of awkwardness and just sent him on his way. No hug, no kiss, no thanks- just a simple bye and a turn of my heel. I don't know why I did it. Even as I was doing it, I was yelling at myself to stop but it was too late. And being the man that he is, he didn't stop my foolishness. he jumped in his car and left.
My chest was tight and I tried calling him back. I know I must've sounded weird on the phone, but he was already near the interstate so I didn't ask him back. That's when the tears started. I cried myself to my car. I cried myself home. I cried in the darkness of my room until I had no tears left to cry and it was my fault for being ridiculous. The today we didn't talk much, but then toward the end of his workday he asked if I wanted him to hang out in the News with me. What? He wanted to come over? For the second night in a row! I couldn't believe it.
So he came to Newport News, probably for the fourth time since we've been dating (I usually go to his place for various reasons). We dined on crab legs with my dad, then I showed him around a little bit and we ended up back at my place with two bottles of sangria. It was a sweet night. We drank the wine and watched a movie. I must confess I drank quite a bit more than he did, though! Goodness me haha.
Diary, it was just a really good night. Watching that movie in my bed with him while cuddling and laughing made me remember why I liked him so. Before he left, I asked him why he came over and he responded that last night's goodbye was weak. So he was here to make up for it. If it was at all possible to melt I would have been a puddle in his hands right then and there. Moments like that help me know that he really does care. He might like to pretend that he doesn't, that he has no feelings for me and is just stringing me along, but I know what it is to use string and that my friends is not what he's doing. So I will continue to be patient with my love and stay.
You know, these past eight months have been so up and down, rough and smooth. I've cried and I've smiled. I've cursed and I've rejoiced. My feelings have been hurt, my heart crushed, but you know what? I don't think I want to be with anyone else ever again. Of course, I'm sure people say that all the time. I hope I"m one of the lucky ones.
scullerymaid at 10:59 a.m.