October 20, 2011
Spark Plugs
I caught a glimpse of my Redhead today for the first time since graduation. That, my friends, is one beautiful man in all his vibrant glory. I couldn't help but drool a little over his light beard. I love a man with scruff! (The good kind and not the scraggly kind)
Do you know what one thing I hate is? When people make unnecessary upgrades. I can't figure out how to work the radio in my car to save my life. It's obvious that someone put it in, and I think it is an utterwaste. I wonder what was wrong with the first one? But then again, I'm just not very savvy when it comes to technology. As Nick Burns would comment, I'm the stupid one...not the machine lol. That's what TJ is for!
Somehow we managed to spend the past couple days together. It probably had to do with the fact that I bought a car closer to his neighborhood than mine. But it was an enjoyable time. I'd love to sit here and tell you what we did with ourselves, but my short term memory is terrible and for the life of me I can't seem to recall the details. I know we went to Olive Garden one night and spend a ridiculous amount of money. I would've been fine going to a mom and pop italian place, but they did have some pretty good berry sangria. TJ like the tropical better so we ended up getting a whole pitcher, which I felt like I needed after dropping all that money on my car. It pained me to part with all that cash! Besides eating, I think we mostly played video games. He downloaded this racing game onto his computer and I was playing SoulCalibur.
I think things are really good between us though. I haven't felt him pulling away at all. It's quite nice. He seems to want to spend more time together again. I guess we'll continue to see how this plays out.
Some people have told me that I'm wasting my time here. And others have said there's nothing wrong with sticking around. But I don't believe in leaving. Of course, there are certain circumstance that require leaving, situations that no one should put themselves through. But I haven't encountered anything like that. I just have a loner boy who finds it hard to connect. So I don't mind making the connection. I don't mind being the one with the feelings and watching him warm up to me. Sure, it comes with a little bit of heartache, but I think in the end it will be worth it. If I didn't think so, I wouldn't be here. Besides, I don't really believe in fireworks. I think love is something that develops over time, a living thing that has to be cultivated and cared for. Perhaps there are people out there that don't need time like that. Perhaps some people jump right in. But I enjoy the growing part, the hesitancy and confusion. In my opinion, the results are more heartfelt and less dramatic. I can sit here and write down exactly which moments my feelings grew from indifference to interest to attraction to attachment to loyalty to commitment and to love. And I find the whole process to be absolutely fascinating.
Anyway, that boy of mine is going to be gone til Tuesday. He gave me a delightful bear hug today before I left and last night I got plenty of kisses...and aggressive sex. I don't know if both of us are just feeling really tense this week or what, but the past few times have just been very grrrrr! It's not a bad thing, don't get me wrong. It's just different. But I'm not complaining. If anything, it leaves me wanting more.
scullerymaid at 1:32 p.m.