November 25, 2019

I’m a master!

Well, today is the day I became a master. That’s right, I passed my oral exam for my M.A. program and now that is the new fancy title I can claim: Master. But it’s bittersweet. I really wanted to pass with distinction. Secretly convinced myself that I could...and then I didn’t. So I spent the hour after my exam crying. Which is so silly. Like, I’m a master! Why am I crying. This is supposed to be a celebration. All that tension and studying done and over with. But I really wanted to be the best. And while I recognize this is just me wallowing, I feel like I’m never the best. Always the 3.9 student instead of the 4.0 student. And to add to that, the critique of my panel was that...I was a little self-deprecating, which frustrates me because I don’t feel as though I tend to put myself down. But I guess something that I did cane off that way and now I’m just overthinking it and it’s making me upset and I’m just really sad about the whole thing even though I know I should’ve happy. And for that matter, why am I so obsessed with being the best? I don’t know. But I passed and as far as I can tell, maybe it wasn’t with distinction but I don’t think it was a struggle so that’s good.

scullerymaid at 8:02 p.m.

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